The Music of Mary Crowell
Suport Me on Patreon!
Mary at the keys


Magnus Retail

© 2001 by Mary Crowell.
This is the very first fantasy song I ever wrote. It is an advertising
jingle for an alchemist -- an icky overcharging one created by my
husband for his Paladium campaign.

Sometimes a wizard's bag of tricks
Needs a little help, a real quick fix.
If that's the case, you know what to do.
Call me, Magnus retail, for the spells that cast true.

Your spell won't cast?
I'll make another.
Glamour won't last?
Don't call your mother;
I'm the genuine article, an alchemist, and genius squared.

You need sigils and signs?
Pay me money.
Words to combine
That don't sound funny?

Thesaurus, procurer, businessman and genius squared.

You say that you were walking along,
When you tripped and fell and broke your wand.
Don't throw away your ailing stick.
I'll fix it, paint it, polish it slick.

Scrying to do?
I can find it.
An enchantment or two?
I've refined it.
Clandestine, done with utmost discretion by a genius squared.

You want a carpet to fly?
I can deliver.
A mermaid's left eye?
Shipped down the river.
I specialize in merchandise of magic; I'm a genius squared.

I've got amulets made of silver and gold;
Rings from queens a millenia old.
Wreak flaming death! Cause misery!
There's just a small nonnegotiable fee.

Life’s a little less grim
When it’s enchanted.
An impossible whim
Can be granted.
Cross my palm with lot's of gold, and it is SOLD by a genius squared.

There’s someone you fear.
Need a favor?
Should he disappear?
I’ll be you savior
As long as payment’s in advance as I demand, a genius squared.

There's a witch whose looks are giving you trouble.
Sabatra's her name with a boil and bubble.
She's a cousin of mine, and I'm sure you can see
Why I double my fee when it's close family.

(Spoken: Sooooooooo, you tell me . . .)
Your spell won't cast?
I'll make another.
Glamour won't last?
Don't call your mother.
I'm the genuine article, an alchemist and genius squared.

So, come on down!
Magic wholesale!
Best deals in town!
Magnus Retail!
I'm the genuine article, an alchemist and genius squared!

Mary Crowell: Scattering Seeds on the Pomegranate Tour style=

Mary Crowell: Acolytes of the Machine & Other Gaming Stories

Mary Crowell: Courting My Muse

Mary Crowell


Play It With Moxie: Play It With Moxie Live!